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One evening in May 2006, the president of the China division of a $10-billion-a-year multinational locked himself out of his office. Using his handheld, he fired off a nasty e-mail to his secretary, ordering her to start checking with her superiors every night before she went home. He also CCed others in the company before hitting send.

She replied, CCing the company’s entire China staff and asking him to remember his manners. “Even though I’m your subordinate, please pay attention to politeness when you speak,” she wrote.

The Chinese press caught wind of the exchange and because the president was from Singapore, it sparked a fury about cultural imperialism. He later resigned.

The anecdote, recounted in a new book about e-mail etiquette, exemplifies how even seemingly innocuous notes can have a major impact. For those communicating across cultures and time zones with any regularity, being sensitive to what you say and how you say it is essential.

For instance, criticizing a worker via e-mail is another common mistake in cross-cultural relationships - such comments need to be made in person or by phone only if absolutely necessary.

In their book, “Send: The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home,” authors David Shipley and Will Schwalbe offer numerous practical tips to make sure that directives don’t make you sound like you’re a dictator. Shipley is Op-Ed page editor at The New York Times and Schwalbe is editor in chief of Hyperion Books.

Avoid using “please” in e-mails because, they write, it “conveys a sense of exasperation” and almost always sounds obnoxious. Consider this: “can you please remember to FedEx the reports on Monday?” Sure, you think you’re being polite but you sound condescending.

Attempts at sarcasm can also go wrong, with literal readers misinterpreting attempts at good-natured fun. Lively communication can be mistaken for mean-spirited snarkiness.

Some of the best advice, especially for those who write to people in foreign countries, is on page 108. In a section titled, “Mirror, Mirror,” they say copying, or echoing, is a great way to develop a relationship with a near or far-flung colleague.

“Whether it’s a greeting or a closing, you need to look for ways to build rapport with your correspondent by sounding like him or her.”

The problem for all of us is that e-mail became the primary way we communicate before we had the chance to figure out how to use it effectively.

U.S. office workers spend at least 25 percent of their day on e-mail, report the authors. With this in mind, the very best suggestion Shipley and Schwalbe make is that we should send fewer e-mails.